seejanemom

The Cheapest, Most Harrowing Halloween ScareYou Will Ever Have: VIDEO

"Jane the Survivalist", "Jane The Cynic", "Jane the Doomsayer". Call me what you will, but I have not been around here lately because I am exceedingly busy burying my nuts against the storm of the century.

You know all those clearance Halloween decorations you just had to buy at 70% off? And what about that goofy assed blow-up yard santa you snagged at 85% off for a mere $170? (You high-fived yourself, didn't you?) They are taking up valuable space in your basement and on your credit card statement right this minute.

Not in my basement.

Not on my statement.

I have food and seeds and clothes for my children three sizes too big that I bought 80% off. With cash. In today's dollars.

Watch this simplified, cheapo, low tech horror movie if you dare.

And those halloween decorations you blew perfectly good money for will give you nightmares until the next full moon.

Are you READY?

Resolving To Hunt The Unicorn

The day after the inauguration coronation of B. Hussien Obama, I set about to accomplish my New Year's Resolution. I resolve to find an over confident, milque toast, Prius driving Liberal every single day for the next fourteen hundred and sixty and demand of him, "Where is my unicorn?" I will then remind him of the promises his Commander in Chief made to him and further inquire as to how his life has materially improved since the most black, but least qualified President in history was wedged into the White House window by the Democrat party.

I would encourage you to resolve the same, fair reader.

The first one who earns a restraining order from the Whole Foods parking lot wins a carton of NEWPORT MENTHOLS, a case of Pepsi and the change caught in my sofa cushions.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

(Great cartoon is courtesy of the ORLANDO SENTINEL, dying rag that it is, by way of my best friend Birdie.)

Barack Hussein Obama: Black, White and RED All Over.

For my 40th birthday, the Birthday Bunny delivered my fondest wish; a red and white, 1984 Ford F-150 4 x4 that Hunky Husband has begun to spot paint in black primer as he cures its minor cancer. Not the diamond or the breast lift so popular among the vapid forty-somethings in my wide circle of influence, but a perfect fit for me.

By design, the black primer enables me use sidewalk chalk to cover the entire surface in my political scrawl.  My children had rather ride to school in "mom's hate wagon" than The German Bullet any day.

Multitudes have already been enlightened at various red lights in the Greater Metro areas scattered through The People's Republic of Northern Virginia. And I do so hope someone keys it. It will only add to its charm.

The side rails beg, "IS YOUR HYBRID AS SEXY AS AL GORE'S GULFSTREAM?" and "GREEN IS THE NEW RED!"

The wheel well reminds Libs to, "KEEP YOUR DAMNED CHANGE!"

The tailgate proclaims the obvious, "LIKE MY TRUCK, BARACK OBAMA IS BLACK, WHITE, AND RED ALL OVER."

When we are old we will sit our grandchildren on our knee, tell them of the land of our childhood and beg for their forgiveness.

Tomorrow is the last day that America will be a First World country as we go through the motions of a "free and fair" election. By evening, we will sit stunned as the last vestiges of liberty swirl down the gutter of history and more folks climb into the wagon, expecting to be pushed.

And as Chicago smolders by dawn on Wednesday, we will awaken in The America We Deserve for our gross lassitude and negligence.

We have no excuse. We were warned.

Burying My Youth

Sorry for my sudden disappearance, folks.

The last of my dear grandmother Jane's surviving siblings, Great Uncle Bob, was buried with full military honors in our private family cemetary alongside our Revolutionary ancestors in Sleepy Southern Hometown on my actual fortieth birthday.

I was surrounded by those I most dearly love, all wearing black, standing around sobbing on a crisp early fall day, the equal of which I cannot recall. Then it was off to the wake to laugh, reminisce, and eat the FINEST apple cream UNbirthday cake that has ever passed my lips. And the very best part?

Not a soul focused on me and I was able to make peace with my passage to middle age in public privacy.

Class timing, Uncle Bob.

Sing For Change Video: The Pyongyang Remix

Fair warning. Void your bladder first.

(via www.reason.tv)

Kinky Linky: NUDISTS Dig Jane's Show

While scanning the stat dump, I find the juiciest tidbits. This one wins the week's coolest link, balls out.

He calls himself "NAKED STUDENT" and, apparently, while some  guys are nakedly Conservative, his kink is just plain Naked Conservatism.

http://www.clothesfreeforum.com/showthread.php?p=210907

Jane is all about younger men now that I am days away from completing my fortieth birthday month, the actual date, of course, a closely guarded secret.

But younger men who let their junk swing free while they dazzle me with Conservative dogma? Now that is a new spin on an old meme.

She Got Game: Sarah Palin puts the full court press to the Pasty White Middle Class Posuer

Joe Biden was so off his game because he underestimated his opponent. Plain and simple. After all, he is the "Distinguished Gentleman" from a string of working class zip codes but the glances he kept exchanging with Gwen Ifill made it look as if he expected her to get her broad ass up and help him beat back this little mongrel upstart.

At one point he actually reached to his collar after Sarah zinged him, then he caught himself in the old fake "must-scratch-my-neck" move. When I heard him utter the word "Bosniacs", I knew she had him by the jock.

Advantage, Sarah.

But what real, average, American patriot didn't lay those odds? Because not only do we have the chick on the ticket, we just stole the championship clincher of "Candidate I'd Most Like To Buy A Beer" from the Democrat trophy cabinet.

Hunky Husband glanced over at me at one point and, I promise you, he whispered, "You know I love to watch me some Georgia cheeleaders, but I think I have my first political chub on."

Advantage, Jane.