Go to Hell Oprah, and take your lapdogs with you.

I could so wax on for an entire Emmy show about why Oprah makes my ass hurt, but I will save you the urge to vomit before noon. Besides, the number line does not contain the requisite digits, so I will keep it to a polite ten. (Artwork and applause courtesy of Alabama Improper.)

>>>>UPDATE Jan-08>>>To all you "Stumblers", BTW I am a WOMAN, not a guy ;), and if you could leave me a comment about how it is I am getting 6,000 hits a DAY for the last few JUST off you guys, I would appreciate it. My normal traffic is about 8K a WEEK..I SO DON'T EVEN KNOW what "Stumble Upon" is! A primer would be appreciated....now on with the show...>>>>

10. Her "boyfriend" is such an incredibly kept wuss, but he makes for useful cover for her sexless image. She acts too good for her vagina.

9. She's fat, she's thin, she's fat, she's thin, she's fat, she's fat, she's airbrushed.

8. She moans on and on about the plight of her "people", but wouldn't live in even the most upscale of black neighborhoods. Elitist white enclaves are where its at, guuuurl. No one dares call her an Uncle Tom, precisely because while she has clearly made it out of the "hood", she insists this racist American culture is what is keeping her "peeps" down. Tell that to Condi Rice.

7. She leases her credibility to her more pathetic guests. Who really thinks Madonna has a SHRED of credibility on this adoption farce? But slam them together in the same screen shot and suddenly a racist slave trader is a sympathetic mother figure.

6. She is the most vulgar kind of rich. The new, flashy and faux humble kind. She can't go ten seconds without dropping a name or the outrageous price she paid for some useless bauble. Her peasant following eats it up. Myriad college drinking games have been invented.

5. She is nakedly transparent. When her guest is black, The Oprah is all "Yo, what up guurl", or "A'ight y'all". When the guest is white, she morphs into Jackie Kennedy....and yesterday, Detroit's own patron saint, Madonna with her "English" accent...Bbllleeeeech....but that's another list all together.

4. She is a vicious, unpatriotic Liberal who hates America (the one where she built her fortune, incidentally) more than she hates Islamic Terrorists. She refused President Bush's invitation to serve our country by touring an Afghani girl's school on his behalf, then claimed the Bush White House had tried to "use" her. To what? Show that America is not the Great Satan? That wouldn't square with her buddy Calypso Louie, now would it?

3. She uses her influence to promote gross consumerism. Product placement is all her show is anymore. (Look under your seats, gals!) Do you remember that show were Oprah "gave" away all those cars? General Motors wanted to launch the new Pontiac G6 in a big way and that squared with the Oprah's thirst to appear benevolent. Hype, Hype, Hype. Lap it up y'all.....till next week when she runs the "Debt Diet" show and stoops to assume she can understand a redneck pipe fitter's wife who is drowning in consumer debt.

2. She is a Limousine Liberal of the highest order. She gives away a relatively small portion of her vast fortune, while insisting the rest of us are not doing enough. And good on her.....BUT..(and it is a biiiig ole  butt, ain't it?)...BUT....she makes sure there are plenty of cameras around to get that candid (!) shot of her hugging the Katrina victim. Then she goes and buys herself YET another doodad for YET another house on some elitist island where the only blacks are the one's cleaning her gold toilets.

The biggest reason why this upper middle class, thirty-something white woman hates The Oprah:

1. She is a bigoted racist who detests the very suburban white women  dolts on whose backs she has built her empire and they are too drunk on her Kool-Aid to see what lap dogs they have become. They tune in and flock to her studio every day to get their marching orders on how to lead their pathetic Proletarian lives. Mothering advice from a childless egomaniac, diet advice from a fat chick, and cultural indoctrination --all from the self appointed High Priestess of Hedonism. She's even got her own Bible out now (in monthly installments). And Communion at the Cathedral "O"? Spiffy waiter types swirling around the studio pews offering her latest "must serve at your next party in the Hamptons" delicacy; trays of her very own caviar-infused shit spread on toast points.

And they fight for every last crumb.

Comments

[c.a. Marks]

I am so linking this when I get home and have time, it will be later though.

[mlah]

yeay! i have never thought oprah was the big start most others think she is. all talk. but thanks for putting a finger on some valid reasons for me. i have never actually watched the oprah fan club show, so i wouldn't know if she was giving diet tips.

but i do now.

[c.a. Marks]

I posted and linked and trackbacked but the trackback isn't showing up??

[Donkeyhue]

How did I miss this one???

There is no doubt that she is a threat to all thats good and Holy in this country. If she ran for President alot of people would vote for her, Im not saying shed win...but she'd probably do better than Perot...and thats frickin scary.

[RMM]

She is also a backer of Barrack Obama for President. Surprise, surprise.

[Lilly]

Your observations are 100% right on the money. Thank you so much for putting them out there for others to consider. I've always felt Oprah was a hypocrite (I too noticed that she loves to act like she was from the ghetto and she knows what it is like to be poor yet tells her audience to go out and buy that $800 dress). But she has never bothered me as much as she does now; I'm in graduate school to get a PhD and some of my classmates actually quote Oprah in the middle of academic discussions. It is absurd, irrelevant, and makes me wish they would drop out of the program. She has a cult following of mindless middle class whites who for all their lives have been guilted into perpetually feeling sorry for blacks and love to emulate Oprah because then they can love black people without really having to (because as you observed, Oprah lives a life more "white" than most of us could ever dream of). It is possible that Oprah is simply a robot.

[JANE SAYS: OH, GUUUURLFRAND....you are SO WELCOME IN THE REALM ANY OLD TIME! And I am thrilled when SMART women pipe up about the mindlessness of their sisters. We have to call it like it is, or we will be complicit in perpetuating the fraud that is Pop Culture.]

[Coronae]

Although I detest Oprah and everything even remotely associated with her, I am curious about the 'racist' statement. Was there something I missed or a quote or article that mentioned her hypocrisy?

[JANE SAYS: Where to start? Let's see ...a more public example... there was the MLK rally in D.C. two years ago where she happily shared a podium with race baiting blacks and anti-Semites...clapping and nodding with their racist rhetoric....I blogged it...and my PERSONAL EXPERIENCE ....I am friends with one of her closest friends (a white Nurse Practioner married to a black man related to Oprah and who vacations with her regularly) The NASTY things this "source" tells me would curl YOUR HAIR. And then there is her cosmetic dentist, married to one of my sorority sisters. ...DON'T GET ME STARTED...."DIVA" does not EVEN cover it.....But no, you didn't "miss" any big racist remarks she has made. Her buddies in the Lame Stream Media WOULD NEVER , EVER "cover" them. But honestly, Coronae, DO YOU NEED TO BE SPOON FED what she oozes from her every pore? C',mon, GET REAL. If ONE (not you perhaps) needs the Liberal media to "proove" something like that, otherwise it "must be a lie" then I guess there are types who believes ONLY in things fed to them by a corrupt media. The asshats who believe in man made Global Warming come to mind. I hear Oprah may be giving away a Prius or two in the future. Bet the Lame Stream would cover THAT, eh? ]

[The Baldchemist]

So many sad bastards leading lives that don't even reach comfortable mediocrity.They believe that someone who understands their plight, (makes more in a year than a under developing country), is the saviour.
I shudder to think that Oprah has enough clout to get the arrogant Obama( Martin Luther King wannabe) elected as your leader.
C'mon wake up America. Get your shit together.
Great article by the way. Have felt and thought your way for a long time, but been to busy to write about it. Many thanks. The Baldchemist

[JANE SAYS: Can I get an "AMEN!!!" ? Welcome to The Realm. Come back and browse the stacks anytime! ]

[grazhopa]

check stumbleupon.com

[JANE SAYS: Oh, I did. But I don't get WHERE my site is listed on it that is is such an EXPLOSION. I "get it", I just don't FULLY get it, though. ;) THANKS. ;) ]

[jct-stumble]

This was an awesome post!! Totally linking back to it

Stumble upon is a social networking thing, it is a plugin in your browser, you hit "Stumble!" on a toolbar and it takes you to a website that someone else has recommended, then if you like the site, you click a button on the stumble toolbar. after a while, the "Stumble" starts 'recommending' stuff that you will like, it is really quite fantastic, i can "Stumble" for hours on end and see just about anything. The more people click the "I like it" button, the higher rated your website gets, the more people see it.

[JANE SAYS: NOW I get it. THANK YOU ever so much for the linky love! WLECOME! If you liked this, browse the stacks ...it would seem there is PLENTY of my raw opining that would be "trip-worthy"...heh... Thanks again! xoxo Janie]

[Lory Buckles]

I think Oprah is fascinating. She reminds me of a balloon that you keep blowing air into. The thrill is wondering how big will she get before she pops.

[JANE SAYS: Every now and again, though....like DAILY....she deflates a little through that big ol' pie hole of hers and all that comes out is HOT AIR. ]

[the black chick agrees]

i use to be a fan of oprah when her show first appeared and she pushed phil donahue out of the talk-show game.

i liked her back then. some of her shows were admittedly cheesy but some were very enlightening. some of the guests she had had like gary zukav and iyanla vanzant had information and personal truths that i really needed at the time. what they had to offer enriched my life, and i will never forget that.

the problem with oprah NOW is that she has become a product. she's made herself, and her sponsors filthy rich and i would say this all came at a price. there's no doubt her sponsors want to continue to make money from their cash cow, and even though she owns her show King World is her distributor; so she's not entirely running things...well not yet.

i miss the oprah of the late 80's. the oprah that felt sincere, real and right there in the trenches with us. now she sits with celebrities and talks about nothing of any real substance. the fabulous life meets the fabulous life. sometimes it feels as though she wants to ram just how successful she's become down the throats of her viewers and studio audience. i remember when she use to have the comedian sinbad, who i thought was funny, on her show from time-to-time. suddenly chris rock became all the rage and she jumped on the bandwagon. i don't think she's ever had sinbad on the show since or even uttered his name. ooooh that's cold. she seemed like she cared about people back in the day. i don't hear the care in her voice anymore, she sounds more like an overbearing parent; and at times she comes across as downright selfish. just a few days ago she commented on her show that she wasn't really concerned about the people in those areas of california who have lost homes by wildfires until SHE purchased a home in that area. she said she had "people" staying at the house and told them to contact her when the fire came too close. kudos to whoever she talked to because the guy told her, and i'm paraphrasing, if the fire comes too close we're getting out. we're not calling you. how tacky is that? she's more concerned about whether her house caught on fire than the safety of the people she hired to stay there to keep an eye on it.

i have watched the show on and off over the years to see whether the old oprah would show up again, and she hasn't. i think she's become too powerful. in some ways that's not necessarily bad but i think that the kind of power she has can have a lulling affect on a person. where they start buying into their own importance, and believing they can do no wrong even when they do wrong. i guess there are a lot of people who don't like her, and have had some type of association with her are waiting for the chance to talk.

[Breanne]

This blog post is a breath of fresh air, even though I'm just 25, I've never liked Oprah, especially because she is so incredibly contradictory, more so nowadays than ever.

Over-commercialization has become her niche, which is highly tragic of a woman who revolutionized talk TV.

[karina]

your alll such jelaus losers... u can hate her all u want but she is the richest and most powerful woman, and u are just jelus losers

[JANE SAYS: And you, sad child, are a brilliant example of the idol worshipping, ILLITERATE ROT that is eating this country. Shut up and sit down. You simply DO.NOT. COUNT.]

[Jeff]

Oprah rarely mentions that a benefactor set up a trust fund for her that (essentially) kicked about a grand a month to her starting on her 21st birthday. Pretty solid money back in the 70's. This makes it a lot easier to accept unpaid internships at TV stations one would think. I'm not exactly sure what Oprah's talent is (talking?) but she's made a great deal of money at it. I wish she would just have a silent show where she shut up for an hour. That would be entertaining.

Oprah presents herself as a female Messiah that is here to now only do good works on planet earth. This includes publishing a monthly magazine that must have her on the cover (heaven forbid we don't see enough of her already)and routinely giving advice that she expects others to live by but not her. Bill Gates is a man who has made a lot of money too (except in his case we are all very aware of his talent and genius) and he has taken great steps to help the less fortunate and has given enormous money to charitable efforts. He has fully dedicated his life to it. Sure he's still stinkin rich...but he is doing it the way we all would if we had made the kind of money he has. He doesn't need a magazine with his picture on it to feed his ego...he doesn't need a talk show...he just uses his money to improve lives without expecting any notoriety.

Oprah...like Madonna...has discovered the real "Secret" to success: cater to people who are idle and have IQ's around 85-90 and you will be very rich. As Madonna proves..you don't need any real talent at all...and you will still have border-line retards buying tickets to your concerts where they can witness just how much you look like a piece of grissle and how stupid you look pretending to play guitar.

If Oprah really wanted to help the world...she would quit the show, quit the magazine and help underpriviledged (black) children quietly and without the need for constant recognition.

And please Oprah...Taylor Perry is not funny. Why is he in show business? Is dressing up like an old black woman funny to blacks for some reason we just dont understand?

[Kim]

Sounds like you are a hater because old girl knows how to play the game...It is beginning to sound like you are wishing you had her money and smarts..LOL but you dont ....so you accomplished a blog....WOW....??
Oh well she played the American Game and made a mint. Now stop the hating because their are a cabillion Rich White men and White Women who have done this for years and would commit suicide if they had Oprahs money because they can buy and sell Oprah's little celebrity. So Stop hating the one black chick ...who pimped her game well...Count to yourself on one hand how many black women who have reached her status. Now....with your other hand start counting the White women who have superceded her money and influence. Ran out of fingers huh? So leave this one poor soul alone who has figured the game out. Capitalism is not a bad word for whites or black ...its not about black or white its about smarts dude ..just deal with it. Find another hobby