As of today, the sky will be falling with more fanfare and drama because the Anti-Capitalist Left has curled up in the lap of Weird Science again, breathlessly anticipating today's release of the new and improved Fujita scale. Originally invented in 1974 in a ragged attempt to measure the strength of a tornado, the scale has been overhauled to reflect new, lower standards for reporting the "devastation" wrought by one of spring's most common weather events.
What was an F-3 storm last season, will henceforth be an EF-5 category storm. To their wicked delight, the Left sucessfully stirred the pot on a harmless gage of relative destruction, conjured a Scare scale with the subliminal effect of blunting the acuity of Uncle Henry's Everyday Bullshit Scale, and thereby jacked the fear factor of wind up to the same tier with IRS agents and winged monkeys.
Updated by The National Weather Service, assisted by the strangely cooperative Insurance industry, the new Fujita scale is pretty well put together, in that it uses more quantifiable, but still highly subjective, criteria like affected building materials and tree damage in its consideration of the potency of a given tornado. This is a legitimate attempt to organize data to good use. Super! But still not scientific.
With this revision, the new and improved F-scale is purported to be a more accurate assessment of what is still, regardless of its fresh face, merely an estimation of wind speeds.
Nothing more.
These new standards are not an overt insult to our intelligence, but more a chip away at the integrity of a common weather report. To make something seem so much worse than it was just yesterday, engenders fear in the casual weather observer and furthers the incremental mainstreaming of "Global Warming".
Look for this scale to be hyped and sited with increasing fervor by storm chasing henchmen on the Left who set such good examples for the conservation of fossil fuels. Nonni says that an EF-5 makes for the perfect weather for a blustery bike ride through her vineyards. And look, Algore, with wind like this, you can borrow her broom instead of flying that nasty old G-5. And Me?
I'll just crank my H-3 and take it right off your twisted yellow brick road.
You know, you really should write a book. You're every bit as good as the best political commentators out there.
[JANE SAYS: And give up this INSANELY LUCRATIVE GIG as an EXOTIC DANCER???]
Posted by: Stealthkix | February 01, 2007 at 07:49 AM
Thanks so much for your visit C. Jane.
Now, I most certainly wouldn't pee on you if I met you in the street...but I might offer you a cold co-cola and a ham biscuit.
Actually, I have quite a large number of conservative readers who put up with my leftist politics to read about my Appalachian life. I don't seem to have read the rule book that said a queer liberal feminist Democrat can't also be a rural domestic goddess, lady farmer, gun nut and avid participant in "Heartland" values.
So, come for the goats, but stay for Food Porn Friday! I'd be honored to blogroll you.
[JANE SAYS: Wow. Would that be a CITY ham or a COUNTRY ham biscuit?... make it a SWEET TEA and you got yourself a deal! Goats as diplomats. Tasty! And THANK YOU from the bottom of my stranded little heart.]
Posted by: Rosie | February 01, 2007 at 09:35 AM
OK, so scientists have recalibrated a tornado-measuring scale that I have never heard of, and you suspect a liberal anti-capitalist plot?
[JANE SAYS: Heehee..I DO sound nutty don't I? hee..You know Gary, you need to hang around here and be my Liberal bitch. Seriously. I may even give you a nod on the blogroll. I've lurked at covert history. You don't ENTIRELY suck. Might be fun. ;) ]
Posted by: gary | February 01, 2007 at 10:12 AM
Actually, I consider myself a radical moderate, but I'll accept liberal. I would love to have more conservative visitors at my blog. I know that some conservatives go in for the JFK conspiracy stuff, and of course everyone loves strippers.
Posted by: gary | February 01, 2007 at 11:14 AM
They changed Fujita? Was it broke? Who broke Fujita? EF-5? Enhanced Fujita?
Huh? Does that mean I can't go tornado chasing in a F-350 anymore? I have to get an EF-350?
To hell with it, I'll just run away in my RSX.
Posted by: Sniper One | February 01, 2007 at 11:42 AM
Oh... and don't forget to pimp your most excellent post over at my blog... Our 9/11 heroes need health care!
Posted by: Sniper One | February 01, 2007 at 11:45 AM
We just need to be forced by the government to install new screwy lightbulbs
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070131/ap_on_re_us/california_light_bulb_1;_ylt=Akpo2tOeMMvK0l7x6iLX1uETO7gF;_ylu=X3oDMTA5bGVna3NhBHNlYwNzc3JlbA--
And the world would be saved ... yeyyyyy.
No more hairycanes or even terrnados
Posted by: jack | February 01, 2007 at 01:27 PM
Weelll, country ham is traditional for biscuits and I do like a bit of mountain honey on mine to cut the salt a bit.
Sweet tea, it is!
My mother used to serve her brandied peaches with Smithfield ham and with ice cream for dessert.
[JANE SAYS: Oh, the HONEY...How dare I forget about the "mustard" of a PROPER country ham biscuit. I AM too far from home. See? I learn something OLD from your site everyday! Your "freakishly low cholesterol" could not withstand the boiled custard, but then I am at a loss as to understand your resistance to Smithfield ham. Bringing my appetite next Friday!]
Posted by: Rosie | February 03, 2007 at 11:27 AM