seejanemom

EXIT QUESTION: So when Barack Obama sits in the Oval Office, will Affirmative Action FINALLY end???

Just askin'.

I mean...since no one dares point out that the Emperor is naked  the Messiah is vapid.

Pardon me...make that the Machurian Messiah .

OPRAH Gets Her Own Dose Of Truthiness

My ::::LOVE:::: of Oprah Winfrey is legendary, and I have made some of my best friends on the Web because of my loathing for her haughty, race baiting tactlessness.

Seems as if there are more than a few of us who think she ain't all that and a bag of chitterlings.

Snacking on Sound Bytes

Just this weekend I was lamenting to Beth about the sad lack of what I call "Right Rational" women. This is a term I have coined to define a Conservative and intelligent woman who gleans her news and subsequent opinion from sources other than the Picker, the Grinner, the Lover, and the Sinner. Pop Culture has morphed almost every woman I know into a casual observer of her world, not an active participant. Bloated though she is from nibbling news scraps, she still believes herself fit enough to battle wits with those of us who survive on clean, whole news and digest it for ourselves. She is an embarrassment to herself and a disgrace to thinking women everywhere.

You know her. Betty Bonbon luxuriates in the creamy, soft-serve opinions of beautiful celebrities while you make sensible choices about what to believe. She passively ingests processed news fed to her through the television tube while you crunch on raw information hunted and gathered from computer feeds. Count on her to regurgitate stray bytes at exactly the wrong moment during an otherwise pleasant repast.

But she is your friend. Its time for an Intervention.

Hide her remote control, turn on a little Andrew, throw out every slick rag with a star-spangled anorexic on the cover and have a little sit down dinner at her computer. Explain how it can be used for more than shopping. Show her that there are more valuable and filling statistics to be found with it than the American Idol leader board. Show her photos of Michelle Malkin, Mary Katherine Ham and Ann Coulter to make sure she understands the concept of smart is sexy.

When Betty Bonbon complains of a headache and begins throwing things, promise her a little carrot to keep her motivated. Indulge her with a ten minute sliver of The View. But only after a heaping helping of reality and a side of critical thinking.

The Church of "O" Expands Its Realm

Oprah Winfrey opened her latest satellite sanctuary a school for girls this week in South Africa-- war torn country that it isn't. A star spangled gala unfolded at the feet of The Maker as she beamed approval on a crowd sprinkled with appropriately colorful supplicants and sympathetic press corps. It took significant amounts of time and money but her payback were the close-ups faces of all those crisply uniformed girls who, until yesterday were oppressed and impoverished in a country where education for girls is rare.

The idea that celebrities pay it forward and "give back"  to the community is noble, I suppose. Noble in that there is ample opportunity to do good by anyone with a mind to, but "more" can certainly be accomplished by anyone with a mind to and a gajillion dollars.

No help for poor people will ever be rejected. Nor should it.

But then there is the question of motive.

Oprah Winfrey was invited in March of 2002 to accompany the President of the United States on a simple tour of newly opened schools in Afghanistan to highlight the normalcy that was returning to an oppressed country where girls had formerly been treated as property. I am quite sure that interviewing narcissists about their latest movie and selecting appropriate pulp fiction for her lapdogs to piddle on are pursuits that require a great deal of time for the frenzied Diva. Oprah declined this opportunity to help on the grounds that she was just tooooooo busy.

So with ample motive, she organized her own photo opportunity to help the less fortunate, replete with close-ups of her own glorious, helpful self.

And not to be outdone by the sainted Angelina, the one star in the galaxy that reportedly has snubbed Oprah---rather than adopting one foreign child---she adopted a whole passel of them.

Barack Obama Meets His Maker

While tracing around the channels trying  sadly to find Alabama getting  its giblets kicked in, Hunky Husband gratuitously lingered on what appeared to be my favorite politician being interviewed by my favorite celebrity. Barak Obama was on the Oprah show yesterday. Swearing lavishly, I struggled for the remote and he reminded me to tolerate her for the sake of the blog. Alright, already. I got a TUMS and gutted it out.

Oprah led the puppy down the path. Senator Obama from the Great State of Illinois uttered the word "Darfur" {screen shot of starving dark brown refugees} riiiight on cue. Senator Obama from the Great State of Illinois laughed knowingly as he gently recounted how his (very white and now very dead) mother had sung to him a lullaby that he couldn't quite remember the words to (but then neither could Hillary when she went down this road once) that said something about his "beautiful brown skin and brown eyes". {screen shot of  beloved mother holding Barack Hussein in their manicured Hawaiian garden.} The fawning audience of supplicants wiped tears from their eyes on cue, lest they wouldn't get the box of Oreos Oprah might have left under their seat.

The convivial conversation drifted to something, that if you are not a curious student of personal interplay, like myself, you might have missed. His wife, Michelle, gave him a good ration of shit for his incompetency at planning their daughter's birthday party. She went on and on about how she wouldn't trust him to pick out the contents of nine year old's goodie bags at the party store. "He would just get in there to the party store and, you know, freeze up. You have to pick out things for boys and different things for girls. No way."

Oprah began to squirm and attempt to redirect the vector of a conversation going very wrong. She was having  visions of Senator Neophyte in the Oval Office in January of 2009, wetting his bespoke pants at the prospect of picking out which Presidential Seal rug he wished to use. Forget the movement of troops. That might lead to the need for bespoke Depends. She needn't worry, her audience is not as deep as she. And she knows this very well.

The Great One figures if she works really hard and the bow is big enough, she might be able to package Obama up so tightly by election time that her American sycophants will never notice the parts missing out of his box.

He Had a Dream

When the first Black Plantation Master President speaks to his peeps, he does it in grand style. There were limousines, Afrorati and self congratulatory bullshit knee deep on The National Mall yesterday. It would seem that while the Mas' of the greatest plantation in America no longer lives in the big White house, he is still in high cotton. Bill Clinton was not alone yesterday affirming that the blacks in this nation are still oppressed.

Oprah Winfrey was on hand to tell of her deep and abiding disappointment in the America that has kept her from being a gajillionaire, instead of merely a wazillionaire. Jesse Jackson was at the ready to remind us that though you may not have a church to pastor, you can still spit in white folks food and call yourself a Reverend because the American South is so unforgiving. And the golden boy, (in so many more ways than one) of the Left, United States Senator Barack Obama, assured us that his oppressive childhood in the private schools of Hawaii makes him just the man to come in from the fields to speak to inner city blacks about their hoes. And who can forget Maya Angelou, the poetess of misery, who without the drum of oppression to beat, would have no song to sell guilty whites.

The spirit of Martin Luther king was not snugged up to those house slaves yesterday at the Grand Opening of his corporate franchise headquarters at the Tidal Basin. He was a couple streets over, a wisp of gray on the steps of the Supreme Court where a little boy from Pin Point, Georgia is living his Dream. Not trading on it.

The America that America deserves

You get the America you deserve if:

You know what a "Brangelina" is, but think that  Trickle Down Economics must have something to do with plumbing.

You think Global Warming is a greater threat to American children than religious zealots wearing explosive man-jammies.

You opine that the "health care crisis" in this country is "their" governmental problem, not your gastronomical one.

Spending "quality time" with your children means you eat take-out in front of an episode of SURVIVOR.

What news you get comes from a newspaper that sat on your driveway all day and prides itself  in endearing accolades like "old" and "grey".

You worship daily at the Church of Oprah but can't say that you attend your neighborhood church even once a month.

The last time you learned anything about your local elected officials it was gossip spewed by a loudmouth at the local Starbucks.

Your political opinions were first formulated by someone wearing an evening gown, standing on a red carpet.

The last thing you hugged was a tree.

You think that you are entitled to be paid by the government for reaching your sixty-fifth birthday intact. And every month for life thereafter.

Your idea of a "good education" is the local public school that you have never stepped foot in to volunteer, much less vote.

You think you showed those Republicans who was boss by staying home on Election Day.

Congratulations America. That's not a sucking sound, that's a FLUSHING sound.

We're off to see the Wizard!

Today---go and comb a parking lot--Mega Hel Mart works fine--find some old retired hippies that still have one of those crusty KERRY-EDWARDS stickers below the bike rack on their Subaru. Wait for them. Ambush them with questions. Demand answers from these people. They almost gave us this elitist snob for President and unless they get a real person in their face demanding real accountability, they will again blithely cast their vote for the continued destruction of this great country.

Like how Mr. Kerry has three or sixteen gated estates scattered across the United States and Greater France?

Like all that fossil fuel he needs to privately fly his happy ass to said estates?

Like all those chauffeur driven SUVs that glide through the imposing gates of said estates?

Like the underpaid immigrant housekeepers that fluff the pillows on which he rests his big ol' Lurch melon at night?

Like the man can't handle a Philly cheese steak?

Does this sound like the information that is getting to the ear of your garden variety Democrats leading their little pedestrian lives? God knows I'm not allergic to money, and I deeply admire self made wealth (yes, even that sliver of Oprah). We all struggle and make-do. But the most egregious lie in this country today is The Class Card---currently being played in the Tennessee campaign by none other than Democrat, Harold Ford.

How charming. The party of the little guy.

That snob bastard has peeked out from the curtain. It is time we tear it down. As you wrap up your inquisition, ask the little people if they are proud to be Munchkins in Lollipop Land. If they are angered by your demands of accountability, you don't have to apologize exactly, you can simply say, "I apologize if you were offended."

Go to Hell Oprah, and take your lapdogs with you.

I could so wax on for an entire Emmy show about why Oprah makes my ass hurt, but I will save you the urge to vomit before noon. Besides, the number line does not contain the requisite digits, so I will keep it to a polite ten. (Artwork and applause courtesy of Alabama Improper.)

>>>>UPDATE Jan-08>>>To all you "Stumblers", BTW I am a WOMAN, not a guy ;), and if you could leave me a comment about how it is I am getting 6,000 hits a DAY for the last few JUST off you guys, I would appreciate it. My normal traffic is about 8K a WEEK..I SO DON'T EVEN KNOW what "Stumble Upon" is! A primer would be appreciated....now on with the show...>>>>

10. Her "boyfriend" is such an incredibly kept wuss, but he makes for useful cover for her sexless image. She acts too good for her vagina.

9. She's fat, she's thin, she's fat, she's thin, she's fat, she's fat, she's airbrushed.

8. She moans on and on about the plight of her "people", but wouldn't live in even the most upscale of black neighborhoods. Elitist white enclaves are where its at, guuuurl. No one dares call her an Uncle Tom, precisely because while she has clearly made it out of the "hood", she insists this racist American culture is what is keeping her "peeps" down. Tell that to Condi Rice.

7. She leases her credibility to her more pathetic guests. Who really thinks Madonna has a SHRED of credibility on this adoption farce? But slam them together in the same screen shot and suddenly a racist slave trader is a sympathetic mother figure.

6. She is the most vulgar kind of rich. The new, flashy and faux humble kind. She can't go ten seconds without dropping a name or the outrageous price she paid for some useless bauble. Her peasant following eats it up. Myriad college drinking games have been invented.

5. She is nakedly transparent. When her guest is black, The Oprah is all "Yo, what up guurl", or "A'ight y'all". When the guest is white, she morphs into Jackie Kennedy....and yesterday, Detroit's own patron saint, Madonna with her "English" accent...Bbllleeeeech....but that's another list all together.

4. She is a vicious, unpatriotic Liberal who hates America (the one where she built her fortune, incidentally) more than she hates Islamic Terrorists. She refused President Bush's invitation to serve our country by touring an Afghani girl's school on his behalf, then claimed the Bush White House had tried to "use" her. To what? Show that America is not the Great Satan? That wouldn't square with her buddy Calypso Louie, now would it?

3. She uses her influence to promote gross consumerism. Product placement is all her show is anymore. (Look under your seats, gals!) Do you remember that show were Oprah "gave" away all those cars? General Motors wanted to launch the new Pontiac G6 in a big way and that squared with the Oprah's thirst to appear benevolent. Hype, Hype, Hype. Lap it up y'all.....till next week when she runs the "Debt Diet" show and stoops to assume she can understand a redneck pipe fitter's wife who is drowning in consumer debt.

2. She is a Limousine Liberal of the highest order. She gives away a relatively small portion of her vast fortune, while insisting the rest of us are not doing enough. And good on her.....BUT..(and it is a biiiig ole  butt, ain't it?)...BUT....she makes sure there are plenty of cameras around to get that candid (!) shot of her hugging the Katrina victim. Then she goes and buys herself YET another doodad for YET another house on some elitist island where the only blacks are the one's cleaning her gold toilets.

The biggest reason why this upper middle class, thirty-something white woman hates The Oprah:

1. She is a bigoted racist who detests the very suburban white women  dolts on whose backs she has built her empire and they are too drunk on her Kool-Aid to see what lap dogs they have become. They tune in and flock to her studio every day to get their marching orders on how to lead their pathetic Proletarian lives. Mothering advice from a childless egomaniac, diet advice from a fat chick, and cultural indoctrination --all from the self appointed High Priestess of Hedonism. She's even got her own Bible out now (in monthly installments). And Communion at the Cathedral "O"? Spiffy waiter types swirling around the studio pews offering her latest "must serve at your next party in the Hamptons" delicacy; trays of her very own caviar-infused shit spread on toast points.

And they fight for every last crumb.